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Life won’t be dull all the way. There will be positive moments and occasions that are worth celebrating. Celebrate them. Whenever I finished writing a section of my book, I would celebrate by preparing meals that day. It was at a time when life was extremely difficult for me but doing it boosted my confidence, my mood and I felt happier at least for that day. I felt refreshed to pursue whatever I will be doing the following day. To me it was something.

Celebrate small positive moments and occasions that come your way. It will be worth it over time.

Laughing is medicine on its own. It shrinks hormones associated with stress leaving us feeling cheery. There are countless avenues for humour – TV, social media, life in the street, etc.

The following words of wisdom by British Writer, Anthony Burgess; “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone” buttress the need for laughing even when in difficult circumstances.

Research shows that laughter and smiling are closely associated with the release of endorphins. When high in the system, endorphins numb the pain and reduce the impact of stress on us.

 

Research shows that being grateful for the positive things we have in our lives boosts our happiness and improves our character. And it doesn’t cost any money. Even if you have lost something or someone, be grateful for that which is left – it is what you have. At a time I was going through difficulties, upon assessing my situation, I realized I actually had more than I thought I lost.

• I had my family.
• I still had two or three friends left.
• I had former colleagues who occasionally would call me.
• I still had some family members.
• I had my certificates.
• I had my intellectual ability to create stuff.
• I had zero debt.
• And more importantly I still had my health-imperfect as it was.

I could go on and on…..

We always have some good in us and what is left for us even it seems we have lost everything.

And let’s be grateful for what we have.

In the last Wisdom post, I shared briefly on the need for forgive ourselves.  But forgiving ourselves is effective if we forgive others as well. Though I never told anyone that I had forgiven them but deep down in my conscience I genuinely forgave them.

By forgiving others, I lifted the burden off my shoulders.

Recently I went to the local clinic; a counselor was addressing patients on many things health and occasionally she would relate her life situation to illustrate the message.

She told patients they must learn to forgive others if they have been wronged in one way or the other. A patient suddenly raised her hand and asked her:

“How do you manage to forgive? I can’t ’’.

In a heartbeat the counsellor answered back;

“You can’t forgive because you just said you can’t forgive. There is power in what you said”.

So we can choose to forgive others. It is simply a choice that we must make.

These words of wisdom are ascribed to Buddha but others say it someone else who said it, but it doesn’t matter who said it, what matters is the wisdom they instill in us;

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” 

As I was blaming people, I was hurting more and more whereas they were enjoying life. The pain stayed with me, and ate me inside.

I learned the lesson – forgive yourself and others and let it go.

Each time you forgive yourself or others, the energy you used to harbor the negative emotions of anger or hate is returned to nourish you.

 

An unknown author is credited with these words of wisdom.

“Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. Sometimes a good heart doesn’t see the bad.”

And experts concur. When I was going through some hardships, a number of people closer to me made my life hell rather support me pull through.  It took me sometime but eventually I realized that I needed to forgive myself for things that were not going well in my life then.

As I forgave myself for the things I screwed up, I began to feel less angry and more accommodating.

I forgave myself for not seeing in advance the people I knew were this toxic.

I advise that if you are angry, in denial or in despair, forgive yourself to be in that position. Forgiving ourselves is a precursor to forgiving others.

 

It is human nature to fear anything that is obscure or unclear to us. We fear darkness because we can’t see clearly. We are wired to embrace things we know and understand very well.

Hence our fear of the unknown.

You may have heard a person say; “I hate this job but I can’t leave because I am unsure of what the future will be if I quit”.

Fear of the unknown is real and is grounding many people.

Anything that is not clear to our senses and to our minds, we avoid, as a way of showing of demonstrating fear. Even if it has the potential to help, we avoid it.

No wonder, Greek Philosopher and Mathematician, Thales (624 – 546BC), said;

“The past is certain, the future is obscure”.

We know our past well but we don’t know our future that well. We may not know how the future will play out but it is still the future – it is coming and hurtling fast towards us. We can’t avoid it. If there is one thing that is as certain as death is the future. The future will become our present and eventually become our past.

And that also should scare the hell out of us.

Then that leaves us with two choices – submit to fear of the unknown or face the fear and embrace the unknown.

Fear of the unknown stands between present and the future, and between the known and the unknown.

How can we come out and face the fear of the unknown?

This is how I do it.

1. Ditch ignorance

 Hector Quintanilla, founder of Digital Age Education.com says “Ignorance will be the #1 source of poverty in the decades to come.”

“Ignorance, the root and stem of every evil.”
― Plato

Ignorance reinforces the fear of the unknown. The ignorant are easily scared by those who don’t want them to progress. Ignorance doesn’t care about educational qualifications, if people don’t seek new knowledge they will become ignorant in many respects. And fear of the unknown likes that.

2. Be Courageous

When I took the decision to quit my last job and announced the news to colleagues; one young fellow asked me and was quite blunt.

“Mr K (as I was affectionately called by colleagues). Are you sure of where you are going with your decision to quit this job? At least here you are sure of a salary come month end”.

The young man was genuinely concerned for me, he feared for the unknown. I told him that I also feared the unknown but I needed to be courageous.

This is what Spartan poet, Tyrtaeus, had to say;

 “Here is courage, mankind’s finest possession, here is the noblest prize that a young man can endeavour to win”.

When I quit my job, I was not a young man but only courageous.

Had I allowed fear of the unknown to take root, I would have stayed in the job that kept my blood pressure at life threatening levels at all times – for sure I would have continued depreciating my health and possibly lose my life.

3. Fake scientists

 Scientists make a living out of searching for the unknown. Wherever the unknown is, they go there in search. The unknown is what motivates scientists to come out and investigate. They actually thrive from the mere pleasure there is an unknown they need to find out about. Be it the behaviour of ants, behaviour of people or behaviour of a distant star – they investigate. Had scientists feared the unknown, we would still be in the Stone Age. Fake scientists and take it upon yourself to venture into unknown. If you are scientist I guess fear of the unknown is an issue.

4. Think for yourself and by yourself

 To power on to the unknown, you can’t rely solely on society or people, you need to rely on your thinking. Society and others will tell you of how bad the unknown will treat you. Like the young man who advised me not to quit- but had I allowed the thinking behind his advice to convince me, I would still be stuck in the quick-sand I was or dead.

Think for yourself and you will better deal with fear of the unknown.

5. Think of what you stand to lose if you stay in the status quo

The mere thought of what you will lose if you stay hooked to the status quo should be enough to jolt you into action – to rebel against fear of the unknown.

My life vs. salary – I chose life and quit.

Had I chosen salary out of the fear of the unknown, I would be dust. I was anxious of what the future held for me though but I took action. In the short to medium term, what I feared came to pass; life was difficult in many respects. But the mere fact I had saved my life by quitting was all that mattered for me. You see with life once lost, it is gone, but with a job I could find another one as long as I was alive.

6. Take Action

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

When things are not what you want, maintaining the status quo can only mean they will not be the things you want.

Education, thinking and faking scientists will motivate you but without action nothing will ever happen. This is the most effective action against any fear – including fear of the unknown.

Thank you for reading. Your comments are welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Before we begin here is some serious disclaimer:

I am not a lawyer or law enforcement official. I share this piece for information purposes only. I am trained and experienced school counselor though. I have on many occasions observed what the impact of “being at loggerheads with the law” does to the people involved and their families. 

In that spirit, I have listed a simple habits or actions we can practice to live better with the law and enjoy our piece of mind.

We need laws to ensure order and stability in our communities and countries we live in. The famous Greek Teacher & Philosopher, Aristotle, agrees;

“At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst” 

Without laws there will be chaos where only the fittest survive.

That being said, people are often at logger heads with the law. As you probably know being at loggerheads with the law can be costing on our peace of mind and on our wallets in legal fees and fines.

It also brings in needless attention to ourselves.

The problem with the law arises when we break the law. And let me hasten to say anyone can break the law at any time sometime unknowingly. I believe some people have gone to jail for crimes they never committed. Some have gone to jail for laws they never knew existed. In my country, the tax law cannot be confronted in any court of law or listened to by a competent high court judge let alone the Chief Justice. The law is above the law. It is above the constitution. If the taxman says you owe $800 million, then you owe $800 million. In other words you are guilty before they prove you innocent. In that case, you wish you don’t cross paths with tax man as you have no avenue to prove yourself innocent. With a law like that you can easily go to jail or lose everything you have. I once watched a video in which Sir Richard Branson was interviewed and said at some point him and others were charged using a medieval law that prohibited the mention of the word venereal disease. So any person can easily be at logger heads with the law unintentionally. I too can be at loggerheads with the law unintentionally.

Right.

To minimize finding ourselves fighting with the law, we can practice to live better with the law.

This is ten ways how we can do it.

1. Observe the laws of the land (however lesser they may be)

 The words of Roman Emperor & Stoic Philosopher, Marcus Aurelius() capture the sense of the tip above;

“A man should be upright, not be kept upright.”

This is common sense. Why I am even saying it? Well I have had conversations with friends and parents who have had their lives turned upside down just because they couldn’t accede to the law. A friend of a friend nearly spent some time in a jail cell for failing to stop at a roadblock. After some negotiating, he escaped with a hefty fine. The catch was he had to pay the fine in 14 days or else face re-arrest and get held up in jail pending trial. The fine which he had to pay in 14 days became a serious headache for him as he was laid off recently. And I could discern he was troubled to the point of extreme anxiety. After some struggle raising funds, he eventually paid. Minor as the incident may have appeared to be, it left him in debts he couldn’t afford to pay, tired and with a disturbed family.

I need to give another disclaimer here; I am not saying we should agree with any law that is passed. If we consider any law to be unjust, or in violation of the constitution of the land, we can challenge it at the courts or mobilize people against it.

Next..

2. Pay your taxes fully

If you want peace of mind and to live better- just pay your taxes.  It is also a good thing to do.

The tax man is like a mosquito. If a mosquito just buzzes next to one’s ear, one immediately lose sleep.

Once the tax man maketh a courtesy call, one immediately lose their piece of mind. So the best thing is to pay your taxes fully to keep your piece of mind.

3. Pay alimony towards maintenance of your children

 The alimony law is very necessary; it is our responsibility to pay alimony towards the innocent we bring into this world. But the law can be ruthless to those who transgress it.

If we know we have child we brought into this world- we just have to man up and take care of them. If not we are inviting the wrath of child support law. In normal countries, the offence doesn’t expire with time.

4. Be careful of the company you keep

Jim Rohn, the American Entrepreneur & author is credited with having said; “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. If you hang with criminals and you are not a criminal, the chances are you will be arrested with them. One gentleman liked hanging at a joint where illegal street card games where played. He wasn’t a player. One day the police pounced, he was arrested and charged together with the crew. Because of the incident, he is failing background checks conducted by potential employers. And he is not happy about it.

5. Minimize exposure to debt

 In some countries one can be jailed for failing to pay a debt. In almost all countries one can lose assets towards the debt. Owners of debt can be very ruthless in their pursuit of their money. There is a saying that:

“The only man who sticks closer to you in adversity than a friend is a creditor”.

Even when you are down on your luck, as long as you owe them, creditors will keep you unwanted company.

One famous Roman slave & Latin writer, Pubililius Syrus, famously said;

“Debt is the slavery of the free”.

You can’t have decent sleep with a sheriff calling you throughout the whole night.

Whilst we need to finance our lives, it will be diligent if minimized our exposure to such and avoid coming face-to-face with the law.

Besides never being at peace in one’s mind and life, debt is a parasite (the word used by MJ Demarco) that we need to careful of in our dealings with financial institutions.

6. Invest in a lawyer for your defense during tough times

 A lawyer is the ultimate layer of defense against your troubles and enemies. But it will help our lawyers serve us well if we avoided situations that our enemies may take advantage of or any other situation that may lend us in trouble with the law.

There is a famous slogan which says “Don’t call me, call my lawyer”, thus have a lawyer so that they can instead call him/her and leave you alone.

7. Understand contracts you enter into

Contracts are signed everyday everywhere in the world. A substantial number of these contracts are signed by some parties who don’t bother to read them.  It will save a few tears later if we took time to read or take the document to a lawyer for interpretation. There are many tales of people who got sued simply because they didn’t understand what they got into in the first place.

8. Don’t make commitments you can’t deliver on

In today’s litigious society, one need to be careful of what one promises to people particularly if we know we are unlikely to deliver on the promise. Even if the promise is verbal, we can still be sued by people claiming legitimate expectation.

We shouldn’t make commitments to others by way of promising them if we can’t deliver on those commitments.

9. Beware of the power of spoken word

Words have power. They have the power to build. They can have the power to destroy. And also they can bring you into an unhealthy contact with the law. Negative words such as insults can land one in trouble by way of law suits, verbal abuse or even domestic abuse depending in the context.

Hence what we say, and how we say it is very important. I believe stimulating words have the power to build rather than drive us on edge of conflict with the law.

10. Be responsible and accountable for things happening in your life

Finally we must responsible and accountable for things we do and those happening in our lives. Admitting responsibility is the first step towards taking corrective action. Taking action on the matter is holding oneself accountable for things happening in our lives. There are people who would admit responsibility and still go on to make the same mistake again and again. They are responsible but lack accountability as they see no reason to take corrective action on the matter at hand.

If we take responsibility and then account, we keep the arms of the law away from us.

Thank you for reading this article. We are a new blog and as such we value your comments and feedback.