My Personal Development Tips

“I bring you the gift of those four words: I believe in you”

Blaise Pascal, French Physicist & Mathematician

Welcome back!

Continuing with our wisdom series, in this post we shall share a piece of wisdom that people often take for granted.

        -Believing in ourselves-

We matter most to ourselves, it is then imperative we believe in ourselves.

If the great French mathematician can believe in us, why shouldn’t we believe in ourselves?

By the way what do we mean when we say: believe in yourself?

Basically we are saying have no doubts about yourself – most importantly your abilities.

When you believe in yourself, you are saying to yourself- yes I can do it and I will do it. Believing in yourself is the precursor to high personal confidence. When you are confident you have no doubt over your abilities to achieve that which you want to achieve. Believing in yourself gives you the motivation to begin whatever you want to begin. Believing in yourself imposes upon you the need to take care of yourself not depend on others to take care of you.

Believing in ourselves sets us up for the action forward.

In his Meditation works, Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, had this to say;

“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.”

Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash

Never underestimate yourself. You have abilities to do whatever that you wish to do. I have seen competent people who don’t believe in themselves to the extent of betting on dogs and chicken to it for them. Regardless of how intelligent and talented you are, if you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t take that game-changing action. Perhaps this African proverb demonstrates the power of believing in oneself even if one is small;

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito”.

Believe in yourself. If you look at the four of the top ten richest companies in the planet, you will find the common thread – they were started by people who had little or no money but had abundant belief in themselves that they can do it.

Thank you for reading.

Boiki.

Your comments are highly appreciated therefore if you have time you may leave a comment.

Life won’t be dull all the way. There will be positive moments and occasions that are worth celebrating. Celebrate them. Whenever I finished writing a section of my book, I would celebrate by preparing meals that day. It was at a time when life was extremely difficult for me but doing it boosted my confidence, my mood and I felt happier at least for that day. I felt refreshed to pursue whatever I will be doing the following day. To me it was something.

Celebrate small positive moments and occasions that come your way. It will be worth it over time.

Laughing is medicine on its own. It shrinks hormones associated with stress leaving us feeling cheery. There are countless avenues for humour – TV, social media, life in the street, etc.

The following words of wisdom by British Writer, Anthony Burgess; “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone” buttress the need for laughing even when in difficult circumstances.

Research shows that laughter and smiling are closely associated with the release of endorphins. When high in the system, endorphins numb the pain and reduce the impact of stress on us.

 

Research shows that being grateful for the positive things we have in our lives boosts our happiness and improves our character. And it doesn’t cost any money. Even if you have lost something or someone, be grateful for that which is left – it is what you have. At a time I was going through difficulties, upon assessing my situation, I realized I actually had more than I thought I lost.

• I had my family.
• I still had two or three friends left.
• I had former colleagues who occasionally would call me.
• I still had some family members.
• I had my certificates.
• I had my intellectual ability to create stuff.
• I had zero debt.
• And more importantly I still had my health-imperfect as it was.

I could go on and on…..

We always have some good in us and what is left for us even it seems we have lost everything.

And let’s be grateful for what we have.

In the last Wisdom post, I shared briefly on the need for forgive ourselves.  But forgiving ourselves is effective if we forgive others as well. Though I never told anyone that I had forgiven them but deep down in my conscience I genuinely forgave them.

By forgiving others, I lifted the burden off my shoulders.

Recently I went to the local clinic; a counselor was addressing patients on many things health and occasionally she would relate her life situation to illustrate the message.

She told patients they must learn to forgive others if they have been wronged in one way or the other. A patient suddenly raised her hand and asked her:

“How do you manage to forgive? I can’t ’’.

In a heartbeat the counsellor answered back;

“You can’t forgive because you just said you can’t forgive. There is power in what you said”.

So we can choose to forgive others. It is simply a choice that we must make.

These words of wisdom are ascribed to Buddha but others say it someone else who said it, but it doesn’t matter who said it, what matters is the wisdom they instill in us;

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” 

As I was blaming people, I was hurting more and more whereas they were enjoying life. The pain stayed with me, and ate me inside.

I learned the lesson – forgive yourself and others and let it go.

Each time you forgive yourself or others, the energy you used to harbor the negative emotions of anger or hate is returned to nourish you.

 

An unknown author is credited with these words of wisdom.

“Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. Sometimes a good heart doesn’t see the bad.”

And experts concur. When I was going through some hardships, a number of people closer to me made my life hell rather support me pull through.  It took me sometime but eventually I realized that I needed to forgive myself for things that were not going well in my life then.

As I forgave myself for the things I screwed up, I began to feel less angry and more accommodating.

I forgave myself for not seeing in advance the people I knew were this toxic.

I advise that if you are angry, in denial or in despair, forgive yourself to be in that position. Forgiving ourselves is a precursor to forgiving others.

 

It is human nature to fear anything that is obscure or unclear to us. We fear darkness because we can’t see clearly. We are wired to embrace things we know and understand very well.

Hence our fear of the unknown.

You may have heard a person say; “I hate this job but I can’t leave because I am unsure of what the future will be if I quit”.

Fear of the unknown is real and is grounding many people.

Anything that is not clear to our senses and to our minds, we avoid, as a way of showing of demonstrating fear. Even if it has the potential to help, we avoid it.

No wonder, Greek Philosopher and Mathematician, Thales (624 – 546BC), said;

“The past is certain, the future is obscure”.

We know our past well but we don’t know our future that well. We may not know how the future will play out but it is still the future – it is coming and hurtling fast towards us. We can’t avoid it. If there is one thing that is as certain as death is the future. The future will become our present and eventually become our past.

And that also should scare the hell out of us.

Then that leaves us with two choices – submit to fear of the unknown or face the fear and embrace the unknown.

Fear of the unknown stands between present and the future, and between the known and the unknown.

How can we come out and face the fear of the unknown?

This is how I do it.

1. Ditch ignorance

 Hector Quintanilla, founder of Digital Age Education.com says “Ignorance will be the #1 source of poverty in the decades to come.”

“Ignorance, the root and stem of every evil.”
― Plato

Ignorance reinforces the fear of the unknown. The ignorant are easily scared by those who don’t want them to progress. Ignorance doesn’t care about educational qualifications, if people don’t seek new knowledge they will become ignorant in many respects. And fear of the unknown likes that.

2. Be Courageous

When I took the decision to quit my last job and announced the news to colleagues; one young fellow asked me and was quite blunt.

“Mr K (as I was affectionately called by colleagues). Are you sure of where you are going with your decision to quit this job? At least here you are sure of a salary come month end”.

The young man was genuinely concerned for me, he feared for the unknown. I told him that I also feared the unknown but I needed to be courageous.

This is what Spartan poet, Tyrtaeus, had to say;

 “Here is courage, mankind’s finest possession, here is the noblest prize that a young man can endeavour to win”.

When I quit my job, I was not a young man but only courageous.

Had I allowed fear of the unknown to take root, I would have stayed in the job that kept my blood pressure at life threatening levels at all times – for sure I would have continued depreciating my health and possibly lose my life.

3. Fake scientists

 Scientists make a living out of searching for the unknown. Wherever the unknown is, they go there in search. The unknown is what motivates scientists to come out and investigate. They actually thrive from the mere pleasure there is an unknown they need to find out about. Be it the behaviour of ants, behaviour of people or behaviour of a distant star – they investigate. Had scientists feared the unknown, we would still be in the Stone Age. Fake scientists and take it upon yourself to venture into unknown. If you are scientist I guess fear of the unknown is an issue.

4. Think for yourself and by yourself

 To power on to the unknown, you can’t rely solely on society or people, you need to rely on your thinking. Society and others will tell you of how bad the unknown will treat you. Like the young man who advised me not to quit- but had I allowed the thinking behind his advice to convince me, I would still be stuck in the quick-sand I was or dead.

Think for yourself and you will better deal with fear of the unknown.

5. Think of what you stand to lose if you stay in the status quo

The mere thought of what you will lose if you stay hooked to the status quo should be enough to jolt you into action – to rebel against fear of the unknown.

My life vs. salary – I chose life and quit.

Had I chosen salary out of the fear of the unknown, I would be dust. I was anxious of what the future held for me though but I took action. In the short to medium term, what I feared came to pass; life was difficult in many respects. But the mere fact I had saved my life by quitting was all that mattered for me. You see with life once lost, it is gone, but with a job I could find another one as long as I was alive.

6. Take Action

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

When things are not what you want, maintaining the status quo can only mean they will not be the things you want.

Education, thinking and faking scientists will motivate you but without action nothing will ever happen. This is the most effective action against any fear – including fear of the unknown.

Thank you for reading. Your comments are welcome.